RAISING KIDS is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world – and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.
Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.
1. BOOSTING YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM
Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more
than anything else.
Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and
strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavourably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than
your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even
when you don’t love their behaviour.
2. CATCH KIDS BEING GOOD
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticising far
more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well
intentioned?
The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked – that’s terrific!” or “I was
watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behaviour over the long run
than repeated scoldings.
Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards – your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and
are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behaviour you would like to see.
3. SET LIMITS AND BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE
Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviours and learn self-control. They
may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework
is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.
You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the
next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
4. MAKE TIME FOR YOUR KIDS
It’s often dif­ficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing
kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and
take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure
to be noticed that way.
Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a ‘special night’ each week to be together and let your kids
help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect – put a note or something special in your kid’s lunch box.
Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for
parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in
family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your
child and his or her friends in important ways.
Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do – making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping – that kids
will remember.